Should I be quieter?

With this blog, I’ve posted 25 days in a row. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, and I am in a habit of almost immediately forming my experiences into sentences to be read later.

This is not all that unfamiliar to me. As a fairly extraverted person, I tend to navigate the world in an outward manner. I’m like fire, constantly looking to move, to connect, to expand. I even tend to think out loud and often process, or attempt to process, my complex inner world by talking with loved ones. Writing helps organize my thoughts in a solitary manner, but it’s still an expressive activity, my insides flowing out. (That is a terrible phrase, but you know what I mean.)

I often wonder if I should take more time to go within. Should I be quieter? Should I not be so transparent with every little thing that’s going on with me?

But, sometimes I wonder, too, about this whole in/out thing, as if there’s any separation between the two. Am I really contained by this layer of skin? Is my consciousness really taking place behind my eyes, or any part of my body? I look in the mirror and I’m surprised at this idea that my human experience is somehow smaller than this body of mine. I feel bigger than any of it. I know that my energy expands beyond my “self” (self as in body), and I sense others’ energies, too. I often feel as though I’m supposed to pull it all back in. I’m trained to, actually, as most New Yorkers are! We have to be small enough to make our way through this jam-packed city, y’know. And, this “outside” world tends to make up such a big part of my inner experience. I exist because of everything else that exists.

Can you tell I’m thinking out loud, here? Maybe there is something to be said for being more inward-looking or receptive!

But, whyyyyyy??? the extravert in me cries!

The “extravert in me”? See what I mean about this whole, bizarre in/out thing? Does it really make sense?!

I wonder about all of this as it pertains to my writing. I feel that my writing is most authentic when I record my observations, experiences, and emotions rather than my opinions, extrapolations, and analyses.



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